Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Life! It amazes me that people really are still trying to figure it out- as thought its some mystery. As though the way we LIVE today isn't our REAL life- and that there's always something better right around the corner- then THAT will be our lives. The best thing I ever did was to wake up and realize that on a scale of 1 to 10- with 2 being those Shanti's in Africa, where the tribesman and women still hunt for meals, 1 being a regular citizen of Iraq right now, I'd have to rate mine at a solid 8, and this is coming from someone with singles in the bank, and thousands in bills. See- I'll NEVER underappreciate waking up and seeing a woman who will be my partner for better or worse, children who love me when I give and when I don't, and going to a job that doesn't require me to forgo all dignity to bring home a paycheck that STILL leaves me short every month. As blessed as I know I am, I'm more than cognizant of the fact that this has all been one long journey, one that has been as full as ups as it has been downs, full of as many tears as it has smiles, and it all is just LIFE.
Monday, September 21, 2009
why are we so unwilling to change??
A few months back I had someone ask me why people are so unwilling to change and would rather hold onto hurt than engage in conversation or confrontation.
We spend so much time trying to change people to be more of what we want them to be, we rarely look in the mirror to confont our own faults- and when we do- we put about as much effort into changing as we do in getting dressed on a rainy day! Anyway- this was my answer:
I think it's a few things. For 1) who teaches us how to change? The first time you cried in kindergarten because no one would play with you- what were you told?? JUST BE YOURSELF! Don't change for anyone- so you start to take ownership of all your characteristics and expect things to change to suit YOU. It works well when your 5- but then there's no one there to steer you in the other direction once adulthood hits.
In MY opinion, the one thing that's rarely taught is how to create a humble spirit in ourselves so when you start to realize that you need it- you have no clue how to get it. So there's no balance
However, I also believe that it's because change takes SACRIFICE, and the willingness to drop your EGO and actually find weaknesses in yourself. Something I've noticed over the past 6 months as I've begun to really pick people's brains is how many people use this line "I know I'm not perfect". But ask them what specific things they need to change about WHO they are, they freeze up and it's " I don't know- a few things I guess".
Finally, it's fear. No different than moving, or changing the way you dress, or getting your hair cut by a new barber, or a new hairstyle for women. We all have a defined comfort zone that we naturally gravitate to as a means of survival. To change means that for a period of time you will not have anywhere to retreat to when the going gets rough and that's just a risk some people aren't willing to take, even though they know that they are leaving themselves stagnant as a result. Like we talked about a few weeks ago- people want to be touched, but never penetrated- fixed- but never healed!!
We spend so much time trying to change people to be more of what we want them to be, we rarely look in the mirror to confont our own faults- and when we do- we put about as much effort into changing as we do in getting dressed on a rainy day! Anyway- this was my answer:
I think it's a few things. For 1) who teaches us how to change? The first time you cried in kindergarten because no one would play with you- what were you told?? JUST BE YOURSELF! Don't change for anyone- so you start to take ownership of all your characteristics and expect things to change to suit YOU. It works well when your 5- but then there's no one there to steer you in the other direction once adulthood hits.
In MY opinion, the one thing that's rarely taught is how to create a humble spirit in ourselves so when you start to realize that you need it- you have no clue how to get it. So there's no balance
However, I also believe that it's because change takes SACRIFICE, and the willingness to drop your EGO and actually find weaknesses in yourself. Something I've noticed over the past 6 months as I've begun to really pick people's brains is how many people use this line "I know I'm not perfect". But ask them what specific things they need to change about WHO they are, they freeze up and it's " I don't know- a few things I guess".
Finally, it's fear. No different than moving, or changing the way you dress, or getting your hair cut by a new barber, or a new hairstyle for women. We all have a defined comfort zone that we naturally gravitate to as a means of survival. To change means that for a period of time you will not have anywhere to retreat to when the going gets rough and that's just a risk some people aren't willing to take, even though they know that they are leaving themselves stagnant as a result. Like we talked about a few weeks ago- people want to be touched, but never penetrated- fixed- but never healed!!
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