Whew- what a change. My lil momma is 5 and let me tell you- you SWEAR you run the world! Like everyone told me would happen- Daddy now has to reel you back in from the princess who got it all and now raise a young woman. As a man who was raised by a woman, your fortunate because the fact that your a girl won't soften me at all- in fact it probably makes me a little more strict. You'll thank me for it later (thats the cliche line all parents put in when we change it up on our children) :)
This blog was really born out of the idea that God forbid something should happen to me, I needed to leave you something personal so you could connect to your dad- know who I was and what I tried to be about. Then it turns to a daddy daughter love letter everytime I type- not this time.
The Christmas before you were born I received book after book about the relationship between a father and daughter. I read them all. Your Nana (moms mom) gave me one that literally blew my mind. It took a dad through the stages of his daughters childhood- and gave him pointers on how to react to each situation. FOR EXAMPLE- when you came downstairs Tuesday night with your Monster High makeup kit asking if you could just put a little on. You fully expected me to tell you "absolutely not" because you started the conversation by saying "hey dad- your going to say no- so nevermind", but I know your a girl- a princess- so sometimes what I think as a DAD- has to be put aside for my daughter-next thing I know you looked like you were 18 and I was kicking myself in the butt.
Anyway- there was a non descript page- in the middle of that book that simply said something like -"hug your wife". To a man like me- I didn;t need to read anything else. See- it's almost crazy to say- but your dad never "really" saw marriage until he was in one. My mom and dad divorced before I was old enough to remember anything about them being together. All my uncles and aunts were married and divorced and I didn't even have friends whose parents were together until I was 14- and by then they seemed like the weird ones for being married. When I used to see myself as a parent, I envisioned a nice apartment, somewhere far away, where it was just me and my child- no thought of another parent in the mix because I had no idea that really existed.
Then I met your mom.
When I got my first job after college it was at The Hartford in Southington,CT. One day, she emailed me just to say hello- we were from the same town and knew each other vaguely through our cousin Tia. Needless to say- she was as beautiful a girl that I had ever talked to. We dated briefy- but her smile was and still is my kryptonite. A few conversations and we were connected forever without as much as a kiss between us. This was in 1998. If you look hard enough and they haven't been destroyed- theres a manilla folder downstairs that has most of the emails that her and I sent back and forth all those years ago. I promised her that regardless of what life put between us- time or situation- when she was ready, I'd marry her at the drop of a dime.
We saw each other about once a year for the next 5 years. One day she called me and we made lunch plans. 357 days later we were engaged to be married.
It hasn't been easy. In fact, it's been more than I think either of us bargained for. Fortunately, we had Dante and Dej to keep us focused even in the worse of times early on. Then you came- and the reality that we were a true and living FAMILY- not just 2 people trying to be together started to hit. But as with most, it could only carry us so far.
SO- long story short- we hit rock bottom- like all couples do. And it was the best thing that ever happened to me in my life- and while I cant speak for your mom (she better say the same :) it was also the best thing to ever happen to us. When our family was on the line- we couldn't do anything but go back to how we felt about each other to save it- and it worked. We relied on love. It was a hard lesson for someone as selfish as I was at that time. I had to ask myself if I was loving your mom the way I'd want someone to love my daughters. The answer was NO WAY. And I knew there was no better way to set the example for all three of you guys than to buckle down and be the man I'd want you to expect for yourself- or Dante to be. And it all starts with loving your mother with everything I have- giving her the respect and love every woman deserves and putting her on the pedestal that she earned. You better expect the same! I fail sometimes- but I never stop trying.
I tell you this now because it really is the most important gift I can give you momma. Someday- you'll be a big girl- and some dumb boy will profess his love for you and you'll so badly want to believe it. Who doesn't want to be loved? But love is not a noun- it is a verb. I told your mom years ago how much I loved her-but my actions didn't always back up what I was saying- and vice versa. Love is committing to your commitments- and not allowing a persons mistakes to overthrow your feelings for them- WITHIN REASON. A man that says I love you BUT- should be shown the door or shot by me. But when someone tells you I love you on your best day, your worst day- or more importantly- after a bunch of those type days- well- thats the love your dad and your mom hope to show you, Dante and Punkin.
