Congratulations momma. Today the princess won an award in class. Out of 22 children, yours was the best thought writing of the week, and your work is going to be displayed throughout your class- on the "star board". You were SO excited to tell me too. When Daddys picked up up I asked about your day- if anything special happened" and you- as usual said "no". Then the second we pull out of the parking lot- you go "dad- something AWESOME happened- look in my bag", and I found your award certificate.
Watching you go from my baby- to my little momma is something amazing. When you were born I just hoped you'd have some of my features- then you looked just like a female me. Then I take you to dinner last week, and you wouldn't talk to the entire time, because you were writing. When I called your grandma tonight to tell her about the award- she said it reminded her of me- see the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Point being, I see how much of me is in you- and it's all my good- and it gives me so much hope for your future. Don't ever stop writing spec- even if it's to yourself. your thoughts becomes words and they become easier to understand.
There's going to be a hard wood covered journal for you someday- that will answer every question you have- that's not for everyone to see. Daddy tells you every day that he "got u"- and I don't just mean today or tomorrow- I mean forever
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Thursday, April 12, 2012
lesson 1
Whew- what a change. My lil momma is 5 and let me tell you- you SWEAR you run the world! Like everyone told me would happen- Daddy now has to reel you back in from the princess who got it all and now raise a young woman. As a man who was raised by a woman, your fortunate because the fact that your a girl won't soften me at all- in fact it probably makes me a little more strict. You'll thank me for it later (thats the cliche line all parents put in when we change it up on our children) :)
This blog was really born out of the idea that God forbid something should happen to me, I needed to leave you something personal so you could connect to your dad- know who I was and what I tried to be about. Then it turns to a daddy daughter love letter everytime I type- not this time.
The Christmas before you were born I received book after book about the relationship between a father and daughter. I read them all. Your Nana (moms mom) gave me one that literally blew my mind. It took a dad through the stages of his daughters childhood- and gave him pointers on how to react to each situation. FOR EXAMPLE- when you came downstairs Tuesday night with your Monster High makeup kit asking if you could just put a little on. You fully expected me to tell you "absolutely not" because you started the conversation by saying "hey dad- your going to say no- so nevermind", but I know your a girl- a princess- so sometimes what I think as a DAD- has to be put aside for my daughter-next thing I know you looked like you were 18 and I was kicking myself in the butt.
Anyway- there was a non descript page- in the middle of that book that simply said something like -"hug your wife". To a man like me- I didn;t need to read anything else. See- it's almost crazy to say- but your dad never "really" saw marriage until he was in one. My mom and dad divorced before I was old enough to remember anything about them being together. All my uncles and aunts were married and divorced and I didn't even have friends whose parents were together until I was 14- and by then they seemed like the weird ones for being married. When I used to see myself as a parent, I envisioned a nice apartment, somewhere far away, where it was just me and my child- no thought of another parent in the mix because I had no idea that really existed.
Then I met your mom.
When I got my first job after college it was at The Hartford in Southington,CT. One day, she emailed me just to say hello- we were from the same town and knew each other vaguely through our cousin Tia. Needless to say- she was as beautiful a girl that I had ever talked to. We dated briefy- but her smile was and still is my kryptonite. A few conversations and we were connected forever without as much as a kiss between us. This was in 1998. If you look hard enough and they haven't been destroyed- theres a manilla folder downstairs that has most of the emails that her and I sent back and forth all those years ago. I promised her that regardless of what life put between us- time or situation- when she was ready, I'd marry her at the drop of a dime.
We saw each other about once a year for the next 5 years. One day she called me and we made lunch plans. 357 days later we were engaged to be married.
It hasn't been easy. In fact, it's been more than I think either of us bargained for. Fortunately, we had Dante and Dej to keep us focused even in the worse of times early on. Then you came- and the reality that we were a true and living FAMILY- not just 2 people trying to be together started to hit. But as with most, it could only carry us so far.
SO- long story short- we hit rock bottom- like all couples do. And it was the best thing that ever happened to me in my life- and while I cant speak for your mom (she better say the same :) it was also the best thing to ever happen to us. When our family was on the line- we couldn't do anything but go back to how we felt about each other to save it- and it worked. We relied on love. It was a hard lesson for someone as selfish as I was at that time. I had to ask myself if I was loving your mom the way I'd want someone to love my daughters. The answer was NO WAY. And I knew there was no better way to set the example for all three of you guys than to buckle down and be the man I'd want you to expect for yourself- or Dante to be. And it all starts with loving your mother with everything I have- giving her the respect and love every woman deserves and putting her on the pedestal that she earned. You better expect the same! I fail sometimes- but I never stop trying.
I tell you this now because it really is the most important gift I can give you momma. Someday- you'll be a big girl- and some dumb boy will profess his love for you and you'll so badly want to believe it. Who doesn't want to be loved? But love is not a noun- it is a verb. I told your mom years ago how much I loved her-but my actions didn't always back up what I was saying- and vice versa. Love is committing to your commitments- and not allowing a persons mistakes to overthrow your feelings for them- WITHIN REASON. A man that says I love you BUT- should be shown the door or shot by me. But when someone tells you I love you on your best day, your worst day- or more importantly- after a bunch of those type days- well- thats the love your dad and your mom hope to show you, Dante and Punkin.
This blog was really born out of the idea that God forbid something should happen to me, I needed to leave you something personal so you could connect to your dad- know who I was and what I tried to be about. Then it turns to a daddy daughter love letter everytime I type- not this time.
The Christmas before you were born I received book after book about the relationship between a father and daughter. I read them all. Your Nana (moms mom) gave me one that literally blew my mind. It took a dad through the stages of his daughters childhood- and gave him pointers on how to react to each situation. FOR EXAMPLE- when you came downstairs Tuesday night with your Monster High makeup kit asking if you could just put a little on. You fully expected me to tell you "absolutely not" because you started the conversation by saying "hey dad- your going to say no- so nevermind", but I know your a girl- a princess- so sometimes what I think as a DAD- has to be put aside for my daughter-next thing I know you looked like you were 18 and I was kicking myself in the butt.
Anyway- there was a non descript page- in the middle of that book that simply said something like -"hug your wife". To a man like me- I didn;t need to read anything else. See- it's almost crazy to say- but your dad never "really" saw marriage until he was in one. My mom and dad divorced before I was old enough to remember anything about them being together. All my uncles and aunts were married and divorced and I didn't even have friends whose parents were together until I was 14- and by then they seemed like the weird ones for being married. When I used to see myself as a parent, I envisioned a nice apartment, somewhere far away, where it was just me and my child- no thought of another parent in the mix because I had no idea that really existed.
Then I met your mom.
When I got my first job after college it was at The Hartford in Southington,CT. One day, she emailed me just to say hello- we were from the same town and knew each other vaguely through our cousin Tia. Needless to say- she was as beautiful a girl that I had ever talked to. We dated briefy- but her smile was and still is my kryptonite. A few conversations and we were connected forever without as much as a kiss between us. This was in 1998. If you look hard enough and they haven't been destroyed- theres a manilla folder downstairs that has most of the emails that her and I sent back and forth all those years ago. I promised her that regardless of what life put between us- time or situation- when she was ready, I'd marry her at the drop of a dime.
We saw each other about once a year for the next 5 years. One day she called me and we made lunch plans. 357 days later we were engaged to be married.
It hasn't been easy. In fact, it's been more than I think either of us bargained for. Fortunately, we had Dante and Dej to keep us focused even in the worse of times early on. Then you came- and the reality that we were a true and living FAMILY- not just 2 people trying to be together started to hit. But as with most, it could only carry us so far.
SO- long story short- we hit rock bottom- like all couples do. And it was the best thing that ever happened to me in my life- and while I cant speak for your mom (she better say the same :) it was also the best thing to ever happen to us. When our family was on the line- we couldn't do anything but go back to how we felt about each other to save it- and it worked. We relied on love. It was a hard lesson for someone as selfish as I was at that time. I had to ask myself if I was loving your mom the way I'd want someone to love my daughters. The answer was NO WAY. And I knew there was no better way to set the example for all three of you guys than to buckle down and be the man I'd want you to expect for yourself- or Dante to be. And it all starts with loving your mother with everything I have- giving her the respect and love every woman deserves and putting her on the pedestal that she earned. You better expect the same! I fail sometimes- but I never stop trying.
I tell you this now because it really is the most important gift I can give you momma. Someday- you'll be a big girl- and some dumb boy will profess his love for you and you'll so badly want to believe it. Who doesn't want to be loved? But love is not a noun- it is a verb. I told your mom years ago how much I loved her-but my actions didn't always back up what I was saying- and vice versa. Love is committing to your commitments- and not allowing a persons mistakes to overthrow your feelings for them- WITHIN REASON. A man that says I love you BUT- should be shown the door or shot by me. But when someone tells you I love you on your best day, your worst day- or more importantly- after a bunch of those type days- well- thats the love your dad and your mom hope to show you, Dante and Punkin.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
time flies
I sat down tonight, finally having a little direction of what I wanted to write my princess. I've probably said these in previous posts, but I write in her all the time, but they are pretty much just the same long love letters to you, my daughter. Whenever I tell myself just type anyway, my common sense takes over and I just go upstairs and kiss your cheek or hold your hand while you sleep. A small part of me convinces myself that it helps give you the security of knowing that your dad is always there- the bigger part of me knows it's just because I need to hold that little hand as long as I can.
I named this post time flies because when I logged on to this site it says it's been a full year since I've posted something to you. That blew my mind because it doesn't seem anywhere close to that long, but at the same time it didn't because of the significance.
Two weeks from today my little momma, or as we say in the morning- my heart, my angel, my princess, my EVERYTHING is going to be FIVE years old. I'm sure your reading this thinking "yeah", but to me it's so bittersweet. The last 60 months have been by far the greatest blessings that I could have ever received. The funny thing is, they mostly center around you- and by the time you read this, you'll have no recollection of any of the hundreds of memories that I flashback to every single day. Right now you can talk in full detail about when daddy picked you up and you got
"nursemaids elbow". You still ask to hear the story about when me and you lived with Grandma and Daddys back hurt- but you woke up in the middle of the night at 2 years old wanting to sleep in the bed with me, so Daddy put you on his back and crawled back to his room- thats your favorite. To this day, when we drive across town you ask me to drive up route 69 so you can see the horses you used to see when we went to dance class on Saturday mornings 2 years ago. I could go on forever momma about this dad and his princess over the last 4 years and 48 weeks, and I want to because while they are our memories, I know that without the tons of pics that I've posted on sites like Facebook, and the few we have here in the house- they die with me.
At the same time I feel rejuvenated at the thought that my girl is 5. Whenever I say that to myself I think "Tomorrow- tomorrow- I love ya tomorrow (your song) because if God is willing, I'll see the beautiful spirit I've been trusted to mold turn into something better than I was ever capable of being. In my world, I'm surrounded by parents who are trying to mold their children into carbon copies of themselves. You'll see as you grown that your dad isn't taking that route at all. At 5, you've already completed 2 full years of full day school. Your teacher told me yesterday that you've aced the test for admission to kindergarten and first grade already and your reading level is 5 paces above what they expected. You have 3 years of dance and a year of gymnastics under your belt. What that means Camryn Patton is that I swear to you that the world is yours. My job is to make sure that whatever you want to succeed at, you have a chance to do that- and your Daddy will not let you down.
It's not going to be easier from here. I know that. Over these first few years we've spent ALOT of time together, but never as much as the last 6 months. Every day I'm lucky enough to get you ready for school, bring you there, pick you up, hit the stores for snacks and clothes after school, then go to the gym or your dance class- TOGETHER! 26 straight weeks. For you it's being the princess you are, for your dad- it's HEAVEN! So know that as you grow, and continue to become the unbelievably special little lady you are, that you've done more for me, than I could ever do for you.
Someday, a long time from now, your going to be grown. We won't have hugged or held hands for months because you'll be busy making your way in the world- and I'll be busy paying for it :) but you'll hold my hand. And whether your 18, 22, 35, or 40 years old when that happens- you'll be 4 to me!
I named this post time flies because when I logged on to this site it says it's been a full year since I've posted something to you. That blew my mind because it doesn't seem anywhere close to that long, but at the same time it didn't because of the significance.
Two weeks from today my little momma, or as we say in the morning- my heart, my angel, my princess, my EVERYTHING is going to be FIVE years old. I'm sure your reading this thinking "yeah", but to me it's so bittersweet. The last 60 months have been by far the greatest blessings that I could have ever received. The funny thing is, they mostly center around you- and by the time you read this, you'll have no recollection of any of the hundreds of memories that I flashback to every single day. Right now you can talk in full detail about when daddy picked you up and you got
"nursemaids elbow". You still ask to hear the story about when me and you lived with Grandma and Daddys back hurt- but you woke up in the middle of the night at 2 years old wanting to sleep in the bed with me, so Daddy put you on his back and crawled back to his room- thats your favorite. To this day, when we drive across town you ask me to drive up route 69 so you can see the horses you used to see when we went to dance class on Saturday mornings 2 years ago. I could go on forever momma about this dad and his princess over the last 4 years and 48 weeks, and I want to because while they are our memories, I know that without the tons of pics that I've posted on sites like Facebook, and the few we have here in the house- they die with me.
At the same time I feel rejuvenated at the thought that my girl is 5. Whenever I say that to myself I think "Tomorrow- tomorrow- I love ya tomorrow (your song) because if God is willing, I'll see the beautiful spirit I've been trusted to mold turn into something better than I was ever capable of being. In my world, I'm surrounded by parents who are trying to mold their children into carbon copies of themselves. You'll see as you grown that your dad isn't taking that route at all. At 5, you've already completed 2 full years of full day school. Your teacher told me yesterday that you've aced the test for admission to kindergarten and first grade already and your reading level is 5 paces above what they expected. You have 3 years of dance and a year of gymnastics under your belt. What that means Camryn Patton is that I swear to you that the world is yours. My job is to make sure that whatever you want to succeed at, you have a chance to do that- and your Daddy will not let you down.
It's not going to be easier from here. I know that. Over these first few years we've spent ALOT of time together, but never as much as the last 6 months. Every day I'm lucky enough to get you ready for school, bring you there, pick you up, hit the stores for snacks and clothes after school, then go to the gym or your dance class- TOGETHER! 26 straight weeks. For you it's being the princess you are, for your dad- it's HEAVEN! So know that as you grow, and continue to become the unbelievably special little lady you are, that you've done more for me, than I could ever do for you.
Someday, a long time from now, your going to be grown. We won't have hugged or held hands for months because you'll be busy making your way in the world- and I'll be busy paying for it :) but you'll hold my hand. And whether your 18, 22, 35, or 40 years old when that happens- you'll be 4 to me!
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